Flip floppherty...

How did Jim Flaherty get his job? Honestly, I'd like to know.

So Canada's fiscal deficit will be jumping to over $50 BILLION from the original $34 BILLION estimated by Canada's money-handler on January 27.

Funny how the Tories didn't want to release that number, isn't it? Not like it's their money. It's our money. And they seem to be more interested in saving their own asses than admitting to Canadian's what the situation is.

This is the CPC at its worst.

I can understand Canada will have money woes these days. I have no problem with that. Anyone who can turn on a television or pick up the international section of the paper can see things will be tough for a bit. I'm not naive enough to think Canada will sit in a bubble.

What bothers me is Conservative obfuscation. Many Bothans died getting the federal balance books to the Canadian public and that's exactly how the Tories want it.

Our November surplus of $800 million? It never existed.

The four years of surplus Stephen Harper promised us? Gone.

Harper's promise to balance the books was a lie and he's going to keep lying if it means he can hold on to power with his clammy, robotic death grip. From what I've heard, that sort of behaviour runs in his family and Canadians should be aware of his genetic disorders.

But don't worry, this deficit - the largest in Canadian history since fellow Conservative, Brian Mulroney - is just what Flaherty calls a "substantial short-term deficit."

Bullshit. There's no such thing as short-term when you're in the hole... FOR $50 BILLION!

Zombicrats...

Cash is easy...

Basically, that's what Brian Mulroney said when he was asked why he took about a quarter of a million dollars from Karlheinz Schreiber. You see, he was trying to get back into "private life" and had no staff to help him handle a big fat cheque.

Apparently, all this cold hard cash is also much easier to keep out of banks and in Mulroney's private safes under the radar, of course.

It's also a better business practice to make deals in a seedy room at the HoJo than say, in an office.

And for Mulroney, it makes things so much easier when you don't even have a business going at all.

"If he (Schreiber) had come to me, for example, at the time when I was installed in my legal firm with an assistant and secretary and so on I would have said, 'Look, we are here during business hours and what have you, can you give me a cheque to begin this relationship.'"

Sure, Brian. That's exactly what you would have said.

You can't roll around naked on a cheque. I mean, you could, but it takes all the fun out of it.

Function...

According to the the CPC, Michael Ignatieff is more American than our fearless PM could ever be, and Stephen Harper is really pissed off.

In a 2004 C-SPAN interview, Ignatieff was quoted as saying "You have to decide what kind of America you want. Right? You have to decide. It's your country just as much as it is mine."

Upon hearing this, Harper showed a rare display of emotion where he retorted: "Nah uh! I didn't make out with Cheney for nothing!" Harper then downed a gritty double shot of sand oil, punched Stockwell Day in the face and sidesaddled a 40 megaton nuclear bomb ten thousand feet to his death over the Soviet Union.

The Tories want people to believe that Ignatieff doesn't care about them. Which is probably true. But Harper doesn't give a damn either. If either of them cared, there wouldn't be any attack ads or threats of costly elections, especially in a recession.

For the past few years we've seen party politics at its absolute worst. It's disgusting. And our elected officials, the people who are supposed to look after us and lead us are too caught up in their playground fights to accomplish anything.

Ignatieff is even asking for donations to the Liberal "war chest." Ironically, their letter (which I'm certain promised sexual favours for money) was titled "Enough is Enough."

I couldn't agree more. Stop the bullshit, guys. Get back to work. Stop wasting time and money.

Assholes.

Never good enough...

The GOP is playing hot potato with terrorists. Seems that Guantanamo detainees are too dangerous to keep on American soil now that Gitmo's being closed up. Can't America just put these dangerous convicted suspected criminals on an Island somewhere?

Oh, wait... right... nevermind.


Anyway, the Senate republicans have brought in the Junior A/V Squad from the Ronald Regan Secondary School in Feartown, Patriotica to make a movie about the whole debacle.



Wait a minute... who was that 27 seconds in to this epic masterpiece? Hey! It's Omar Khadr, the Canadian kid who's Charter rights got trampled on and we've been trying to repatriate! Ah well, he's a terrorist now, so I guess he doesn't have rights.

But hey, you know what, Senators? I think if you ask us really nicely, Canada can take Khadr off your hands. I mean, I know he's absolutely terrifying in that picture you showed in your movie trailer. (What was he, 15 when he was detained?) I know, he's scary. But I think we can handle him.

But don't you ever think of asking us to take that vicious terrorist, Ashton Lundeby.

He's pure evil. Lundeby sounds like it might be Iranian or something. One of those evil countries that worships satan and speaks backwards and listens to rock music. I mean look at this kid.

Pure. Fucking. Evil.

He reminds me of Kevin Bacon from Footloose. And we all know what kind of shit disturber HE was.

Canada votes...

Don't worry, there's not going to be another federal election. At least not until late summer. Where nothing will change. Again.

Instead, the Toronto's Luminato festival put together their list of what they think the 10 greatest Canadian songs are and want us to vote.

Isn't it sad BTO's "Taking Care of Business" is beating out "Helpless" by Neil Young and "The Weight" by The Band, combined.

But at least Leonard Cohen is giving the Overdrive a run for their money.

And where's Lightfoot's "Edmund Fitzgerald?" Hasn't every person who attended public school been traumatized by being forced to sing this song over and over in between waterboardings?

Was that just me?

I'm casting my vote for someone else. Greatest. Canadian song. EVER.

All work and no play...

I've been talking about this working class burden on Canada for years. It's no wonder some of the first school shootings were in Canada. If I knew half my life would be spent making a shit wage for some heartless company only bent on product output and not their employees, I'd want to shoot the fuck out of everybody, too.

I worked at a large retail store after highschool. When it came time for my raise, this one store which made many tens of millions of dollars could only spare a thirty-five cent raise for most of us who were living under the poverty line (after the government tax-rape.)

Even now, with a simple morning routine and a commute, my work day takes up almost 10 hours and yet, somehow, I'm still hanging around the poverty line.

I'm not a work-a-holic. Not for a bi-weekly paycheck. Work to live, not live to work. But North America doesn't support this concept like almost the entire continent of Europe does.

I was talking to a Lebanese cab driver this weekend about his trip back home last year. He said when you go for food in Lebanon, it's a six-hour feast with friends and family, outdoors, surrounded by palm trees the natural beauty of the country. And when they drink, its to socialize. Not to get fucked up and puke on the corner of York and Dalhousie.

A Jamaican man I worked with, Omar, said Canada and America have all the opportunity in the world which is what makes us great. But you have to sacrifice your life to grab it.

This is not the way I want to live. Can you tell I don't want to go to work today?