Dear Stephane Dion...

Every time I see you, it looks like you're either going to cry or apologize.

I know, it's because of us media people always giving you flak. But come on, it's not entirely our fault. Politics are so boring sometimes. Especially when the leader of the opposition doesn't really do a good job of opposing. Or leading for that matter.

You're getting shot at from every angle and it must really suck.

But don't worry. I've come up with an ingenious plan.

For the small payment of my OSAP loan, I will let you punch me in the face in a media scrum on Parliament Hill.

Just hear me out, Steph. Can I call you Steph?

Listen Stephy,

This works on so many levels. First off, I need the money. OSAP's a bitch, and you could really show some support for students by punching me in the face. Maybe not on the level you think, but really, it works out.

Also, this can show Canadians that you're not the pussy they think you are. For one shining moment you can prove that you're a man, and you're not afraid of a little confrontation. I'm pretty sure I'm a lot bigger than you and this would make the Tories think twice the next time they joke about you in front of the nation.

Plus, this would put you up there with other great liberal reporter bashers like Chretien and, dare I say it, Trudeau. It could be your shining and defining moment!

I bet you'd even really LIKE to punch out a reporter too. What politician wouldn't from time to time? I know I would, and I'm one of them. No one will blame you, especially if I ask a ridiculously infuriating question, like; "Who makes you feel prettier when you're biting a pillow, Harper or Layton?" And then, *POW!* Right in the chops.

As my part of the bargain, I promise not to duck or retaliate from ONE punch to anywhere on my face of your choosing. I will also collapse into a pile on the floor of Parliament and do my best to either cry, pass out or run away in terror. We can also try cutting Chretien himself in on this to hold you back for effect.

You'd need to commit on this though. You can't punch me and then start whimpering. A string of curses en francais would be fantastic. Hell, for a few extra bucks you can spit on me!

All I'm asking is for you to think about punching me in the face, because if you don't, everyone else will be slapping yours for the rest of your career.