I murdered music...

(reposted)
There used to be a time when a song could put me in a trance if I heard it on the radio. One of those songs that they play once a year, or every two years. Something that was hugely popular (at least to me) at a time in my life when it mattered and when I understood it best. Or perhaps just differently.

When Fade Into You by Mazzy Star would come on the air, there would be no waking me up. I'd meld into the song and drift off to 1993 when music mattered the most to me.

I now have the song in 3 places at any given time; my computer, my CD collection and my MP3 player. Technology has given me the means to surround myself with the music I love.

But the more music I have, the less it means to me.

I can listen to it whenever I want. Mazzy Star rarely gets the chance to sneak up on me. And the nostalgia has worn off. It's no longer a song stuck in 1993 that drags me into the past, it's a 1993 song that I've dragged back with me to the present.

I try to find great new music and make new emotional memories. But I kill the song before it gets a chance to form any solid feeling. Phantom Limb by The Shins is practically permenantly queued up on my playlist at home and on my MP3 player. It's only a matter of time before it just becomes another really good song that I knew once, but felt the uncontrollable necessity to pick apart and devour.

I still love Fade Into You. But it doesn't make me feel the way it used to. It's somehow lost a large part of it's beauty. Same with other songs and bands. Smashing Pumpkins. Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode. My Bloody Valentine. Delerium. Cuts You Up by Peter Murphy. All a part of my then that have become a bit too much of my now.

A glass of wine doesn't mean shit when you're drowning.